They tried to warn me that returning to the States would be as difficult as leaving. However, I had no problems moving to Ireland and adjusting to life there. It was a blast! So just thinking it'd be a bit harder than that to adjust back didn't sound so scary. But now I'm here, alone, and it's like the last year of my life never happened.
After Ireland, I moved straight to Chicago, a city I have visited once before, for an internship with Greenpeace. My boyfriend moved there with me, and I knew no one other than him. So I spent the whole post-year-abroad time with very "non-typical," whale saving, protesting, don't mess with us Americans and my English boyfriend. Needless to say, it wasn't that hard to do.
But then Callum went back to England and I spent a week with my entire extended family and realized that they are a bit more of what I should've expected to find in the States. Unfortunately, all the negative qualities stood out and I simply could not handle going through the re-entry process yet so I resorted to my animalistic qualities: I couldn't fight, so I took flight– literally. I flew back to England to spend my last two weeks before my senior year there.
It was a blissful holiday but might've made what came next all the more difficult. I moved straight up to Minneapolis and started classes 3 days later. Again, I wasn't expecting to "go through a process" and I definitely wasn't expecting it to be hard. But then, here I was, with the exact same people in the exact same spot I was a mere 13 months ago, but a completely different person. My friends, of course, wanted to hear about my time abroad but I could tell after about 3 sentences they had tuned out. And it wasn't their fault– I was describing people they'd never met, places they'd never heard of, and experiences they'd never lived through. It was simply impossible to relate. It was strange to find, too, that most things hadn't changed, yet a lot had. It was hard to comprehend that life went on without me here– people had graduated, moved away, made new friends, changed majors, transferred, started new relationships and ended old ones. I thought I would be able to relate and reminisce with a few of my friends who had also studied abroad, but that wasn't really so. First, we all went to different destinations. And second, most of them only went for a semester, and then came back to Minneapolis straight away meaning they were gone for about 4 months, which is 9 months less than me. I can't even begin to describe how much of a difference that makes. I had this whole other life that is now gone and it's a scary feeling.
There were a few times that I just broke down, feeling completely frustrated, left out, and like I don't belong here. I had been gone for so long that it seems people forgot about me. Still, after nearly a month now, friends forget to call and invite me out. Again, it's not their fault. It is so so so hard to keep in touch with people you haven't seen in a year, especially during a time you have drastically different lives. I'd spend a weekend in Scotland, they'd spend it bar-hopping. It is just impossible to relate.
I also hoped to rely on my closest friend in Ireland, Roberta. She and I took most of our trips together and spent the entire year having similar experiences. There were two stark differences in our lives there, however: First, she's Canadian. And second, she really, really wanted to come home. The differences are obvious when it comes to our home countries. Of course we're going to have much different reactions upon returning. But the latter is really the one that matters. I miss Ireland, I miss my friends, I wanted to stay longer because it was simply the best year of my life. By January, Robbie didn't want to be there anymore for many reasons, and did actually go home for about 2 weeks. She repeatedly wished she'd only gone abroad for a semester and contemplated leaving early. So to talk about returning home with Robbie isn't what I emotionally need it to be. She's so happy to be back and maybe in 5/10 years will return to Derry and reminisce. I am reminiscing already.
But Callum is moving to Minneapolis today and that will be the best thing in the world. Someone will actually be here that knows me now, that knows what I went through and how I changed, that can relate to me. All being said and (definitely not) done, I am surprisingly appreciative that I spent the last month going through this process alone. It has helped and is still helping me figure out how to make sense of it all. And that's kind of the point, right?
Friday, September 25, 2009
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